How to stop abandoning yourself

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I know you’ve been through a lot. Life has not been fair.

You feel like you’ve been running in place with no end in sight.

You’re surrounded by people, but you feel alone.

You’re tired, anxious, and full of regrets. You just want to rest.

Do you know what you need and want?

When you clarify your needs and wants, how to achieve them becomes more straightforward.

Since I was a child, I’ve always been the giver, nurturer type. I’ve always attracted those who are users and abusers. I learned to slowly, but surely rise from all the manipulation and broken promises. It was not easy, but I made it. I finally was able to heal enough and thrive. The key is to act on your boundaries. Never complain and never explain. One NO is more than enough.

Photo by Marten Newhall on Unsplash

One of the most challenging parts of healing is dealing with the recurring abuse. You can’t heal that way. It is like picking at a scab. The more you do it, the longer it will take to heal. Eventually, you’ll need to make the decision to remove yourself from the situation safely. I learned the hard way that people do not change unless they choose to and behave consistently towards being a better human. I wish someone had said this to me in some shape or form: any hope you may have of them changing is a waste of energy, focus, and most importantly, time.

When you’ve removed those abusive people from your life by creating distance, work on discovering who it is you want to become and find a way to address your neglected needs. It is common for people like us to habitually abandon ourselves in favor of helping a stranger. For the first time in your life, help yourself. You deserve it.

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Now, let’s try this exercise: What do you need at this moment? What do you want? Write it down. Keep on writing until you feel your mind and body fully. Draw it all out.

What is the one thing you’ve been needing to do that would make you feel joy? Do this as soon as you can. Repeat.

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Thank you for taking the time to read this! If you find my writing valuable, please let me know by commenting on this post. I’d love to hear about your journey and help by lending an ear.